Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Billionaire Jeff Bezos buys all rights to the Bible

I wouldn't be surprised Dept.



After buying nearly everything he ever wanted in his whole life small business eliminator and multi-multi billionaire Jeff Bezos has acquired all publishing, film, stage and television rights to Holy Scripture.  Having recently acquired the planet Mars, where he intends to spend part of the winter months, the entrepreneur felt that good marketing demanded his purchase of Holy Writ.

He was also concerned that with so many different translations of the book out there he wanted to streamline the process by having his own singular approved version.  He emphatically stated he will not be using as his source the Latin Vulgate, remarking that we have all moved on from Medieval times.

Henceforward no one on earth (or the heavens) can legally print or sell the Bible without payment to Mr Bezos.  Marketing strategists, in admiration of his near-abolishing of all competitors in any industry he chooses to enter into, stated that this purchase is yet another example of Bezos' highly effective methods of improving the market.  The War Street Journal wrote that "here again is another example of the glories of the American free enterprise system pursued with vigor by one of its greatest captains."

(All kidding aside, Jeff Bezos is the absolute epitome of the type of greed-driven businessmen, having risen without trace and suddenly owning trillions, that Hilaire Belloc, Chesterton and the so-called Distributists warned us against.  His much vaunted marketing technique is to cheapen everything and force any competitors still standing to do the same.  The result is more junk. Those who shop at Whole Foods might note big cheapening changes coming soon now that Bezos has bought them out.

Enjoy your zillions, Jeff, and enjoy your power trip.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This guys is set for a fall, big time.

Whole Foods, whatever. Washington Post, whatever. Amazon Web Services, meh.

Selling non-profitable stock is like selling snake oil. You make money in the short term, but it is unsustainable.

Amazon.com has not yet made a profit. Washington Post is only supported by CIA funding. Whole Paycheck is a bubble grocery store, and will go down. Amazon Web Services may survive...who knows?

Lots of small businesses have gone away because they can't compete in the new paradigm. Amazon pushed 'em over the edge, but they would have gone anyway. Amazon will follow. You can already see it:

1. If you sell a successful product on Amazon, they will enter into competition with you, bury your product, and assume your place and your profits. This will drive away sellers, and kill their outside vendor business.

2. If you buy from them, and do not have "Prime," they will sit on your products and only ship them at the last minute so they get there on the last day of the shipping date range. They are trying to force you to buy a prime membership. This will drive buyers away, since they are unreasonably forced to wait for their products. (They also will sit on low cost products rather than shipping them, categorizing them as "add-ons.")

3. And...they still have not made a profit. Bezos billions come from greater fools buying their stock.

I predict that Amazon will be broken up eventually. If a mall can't survive by collecting a variety of products for sale in one physical place, then why in the heck would that be necessary with the internet?!

I can see a potential for their fulfillment business. Something that warehouses and ships products for businesses. Could be a lot of value added there and many economies of scale. Would have to work out the cost models, but that could have value. But you'd have to focus on fulfillment, and not competing with your customers.

And I expect their web services to have value. But conglomerates have always ended up going down. Either taken over and sold off, or broken up by the gov't.

Bye, bye, Amazon. It was fun while it lasted.

Aged parent said...

Perceptive comment, Anon. Thanks for the insights.

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