CARDINALS ABBOTT AND COSTELLO

His Eminence Bud Abbott (r) and His Eminence Lou Costello (l) at the recent Conclave

The Catholics of Washington and New York are watched over by, respectively, Cardinals Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, sometimes also known as Cardinals Wuerl and Dolan.  They are a famous team.  Under their careful guidance Holy Communion is given to swine, pimps, sodomites and Buddhists without the benefit of the Sacrament of Penance first or even the nicety of being a Catholic.  That annoyance of receiving absolution prior to receiving the Body and Blood of Christ is reserved only for lowly Catholics in the pew.  The rich, the powerful and the perverted are not troubled by such incidentals.

Cardinal Abbott writes scholarly books about the Eucharist...then refuses to deny It to public sinners, thereby bringing down judgment upon himself and the recipient.  It is more important for him to be seen as tolerant, thinking, reflective and nice...and a good American.  Cardinal Abbott very much likes applause.  On occasion, he will applaud himself:

Cardinal Abbott Wuerl lives in Washington.

Cardinal Costello on the other hand lives in New York City.  He likes to laugh and to joke and to jab his elbow into people's ribs.  He laughs quite a lot.  He is enjoying himself immensely.  He believes he is the greatest thing since sliced bread.  He even sometimes likes to think of himself as Batman:

Cardinal Costello Dolan also likes to think of himself, on rare occasions, as a Cardinal.  But not so often that it might take him away from his favorite role, that of Cardinal-Comedian, or the Clown Prince of the Catholic Church.  He will giggle at the slightest provocation.  If he is seated with the rich and the powerful and a mildly amusing joke is told he will roar with a laughter that will bring the house down.  The Cardinal doesn't really like to be too serious in his role as a Cardinal.

These are two of the most powerful prelates in the US Episcopate, dedicating their lives to spreading the Faith....as long as it doesn't offend anyone.

The only question therefore to be asked is, who's on first?